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कालच सुमिताच्या लग्नातून परत आले अजून त्या हरपर्सेींशी मधूनच बाहेर पडले नाही आहे, डोळयांसमोर लग्नच फिरत आहे.
सुमिता... माझ्या काकांची मुलगी. म्हणजे माझी बहीणच; पण तरीही आम्ही लग्नाला जाणार नव्हतो. माझी आई कोणत्याही लग्नसमारंभाला जात नाही. आईचं म्हणणं असतं लग्नव्यवस्था जातिव्यवस्थेला घट्ट करण्यासाठी जबाबदार आहे. लग्नात व्यक्तीपेक्षा जातीला जास्त महत्त्व दिलं जातं; पण आईच्या न जाण्यामुळे आजी र्ीिशीीं झाली, त्यामुळे आई नमली...
आई नमली आणि लग्नाला जायला तयार झाली. आमच्या खानदानाची `इज्जत' आईमुळे धडाधड तुटत असते. आई कोणत्याही लग्नाला जात नाही, आहेर करत नाही, हळदीकुंकवाला जात नाही, दागिने घालत नाही, महागडे कपडे घालत नाही.
... मला वाटलं विचारावं, खानदान म्हणजे काय?
आजीनं आईला स्पष्ट सांगितले होतं, `लग्नाला यायचं; पण तो घाणेरडा खादीचा कुर्ता अजिबात घालायचा नाही.'
`का? लग्नाचं आणि माझ्या कपड्यांचं काय रीीेलळरींळेप आहे?' आईने रीीशीींर्ळींशश्रू विचारलं होतं.
`म्हणजे काय? मला सगळे विचारतात मुलगा कमवत नाही की काय? मी काय सांगू कोणाला??' आजीची अवस्था अगदी दयनीय झाली होती.
सुमिताचं लग्न ळपींशीपशीं वर ठरलं. मुलगा पसंत पडला, भेट झाली. गोड, इंजिनियर. नाही म्हणायचा प्रश्नच नव्हता. सर्व षळपरश्र झालं. तेवढ्यात कळलं मुलगा जातीने ब्राह्मण नसून महार आहे. शी! महार आणि आत्ता सांगतो आहे मला? ताई म्हणाली. कसं शक्य आहे एका ब्राह्मण मुलीचं एका महार मुलाशी लग्न?? नकार दिला गेला; पण तो विषय घरात चिघळत राहिला बरेच दिवस.
`चेहऱ्यावरून अजिबात कळलंपण नाही मुलगा महार आहे.' आजी चिडत म्हणाली.
`ह्या लोकांचं राहणं आजकाल आपल्यासारखंच झालं आहे म्हणून कळतच नाही. सगळे ीशीर्शीींरींळेप मुळे बिघडले आहेत. बंद करायला हवं ीशीर्शीींरींळेप!' सुमिता म्हणाली.
`सुमि थोडक्यात वाचली, नाही तर महारच झाली असती... देवाची कृपा!''- आजीचं बडबणं चालू होतं.
बाप रे! केवढ्या मोठ्या दहशतवादातून सुटका झाली होती!!.. मला वाटलं विचारावं, वाचली नं इज्जत!! विचारावं ओरडून `ते' आणि `आम्ही' जणू दोन वेगळे प्राणी का??.... मला वाटलं विचारावं शिक्षणात, नोकऱ्यांत आरक्षण बंद करावं म्हणणारे स्वत: वेपरींळेप च्या लेश्रश्रशसश मध्ये जेव्हा शिकतात तेव्हा म्हणतात का, आमचाच हक्क का??
दुसऱ्या मुलाशी शारळश्र वर गप्पा झाल्या. सुनील!! प्रत्यक्ष भेट झाली. ह्या वेळेस आधीच पाहिलं गेलं की सुनील ब्राह्मण आहे की नाही? ख ढ शपसळपशशी! आणि गोरा पान!! आमच्या घरात सगळे गोरे, आजी, काका, काकू, सुमिता. आता सुनील पण गोरा!!
... मला आईनं सांगितलं होतं जेव्हा मी जन्माला येणार होते तेव्हा सर्वांचा काळजीचा विषय होता, माझा रंग कसा असेल? आमच्या घरी सगळे गोरे असले तरी आई सावळीच. मी झाले! मुलगी आणि सावळी. माझ्या बाबांची एक मावशी लगेच म्हणाली `कसं होणार बिचारीचं! `करेला ओर वो भी नीम चढा!'
... मला वाटलं विचारावं मावशीला, ज्यांना दोन दोन मुलं असून आज एकटेपणाचा त्रास भोगावा लागतो आहे, तरी मनात मुलगाच श्रेष्ठ आणि मुलगी `करेला?'
... सुनील बरोबर लग्न जुळलं! सुमिता आणि सुनीलची जोडी खूश राह्यला पाहिजे, भांडण वादविवाद नाही होणार, ह्या काळजीने पत्रिका जुळवली गेली... पत्रिका जुळली, सर्व निश्चिंत!!
... मला वाटत होतं सर्वांना ओरडून विचारावं पत्रिका जुळवून लग्न र्ीीललशीीर्षीश्र झालं असतं तर ह्या जगात वर्ळींेीलश च झाले नसते, वेाशीींळल र्ींळेश्रशपलश च झाला नसता, कोर्टाची पायरीच कोणाला चढावी लागली नसती! कसं सांगू आणि कोणाला सांगू? नातेसंबंध पत्रिकांवर ठरत नसतात. लव्ह हे एक क्रियापद आहे. ही एक क्रिया आहे. संबंध जिव्हाळयाचे होण्यासाठी शोींळेपरश्र लरपज्ञ रलर्लेीपीं मध्ये भावभावना जमा कराव्या लागतात.
`सुनीलशी लग्न ठरलं आहे, आम्ही किती भाग्यवान!! अस्ट्न्ेिलॉयाला जाऊन आला आहे. पन्नास हजार पगार आहे. केवढा र्ीीललशीीर्षीश्र!!'
... मला वाटलं परत सगळयांना विचारावं र्ीीललशीी म्हणजे काय?? परदेश भ्रमण?? आणि मोठ्या डिग्रीज?? सुनील जर एका शाळेचा प्राथमिक शिक्षक असता, ज्या मुलाबरोबर शोींळेपरश्र रपव ळपींशश्रश्रशर्लींीरश्र ळपींळारलू दोन्ही असती तरी त्याला र्ीीललशीीर्षीश्र म्हटलं असतं का? त्याचं नाव एवढं मिरवलं गेलं असतं का?
नाही! नक्कीच नाही!! वाटलं सगळयांना सांगावं, र्ीीललशीी ळी र िेसीीशीीर्ळींश ीशरश्रळीरींळेप ेष ुेीींहू सेरश्री...
लग्नाची पूर्व तयारी चालू होती आणि मी अस्वस्थ होत होते! मी सर्वांची संभाषण ऐकत होते.
``सुनीलने आमच्या सुमिला लगेच पाच हजार रुपयांचा ड्न्ेस आणला. फारच प्रेमळ आहे...'' मला वाटलं परत विचारावं, ड्न्ेस बरोबर त्याची किंमत सांगायची काय गरज? त्याने शंभर रुपयाचा खादीचा कुर्ता आणला असता तर तो प्रेमळ झाला असता का?
आजी सांगत होती, ``खूप काम आहे. खूप तयारी करावी लागणार आहे. अजून हरश्रश्र लेेज्ञ करणं, हेींशश्र ठरवणं! सुनील पन्नास माणसांना घेऊन येणार आहे लग्नाला!! हॉलपर्यंत जाण्यासाठी त्यांच्यासाठी गाड्यांची व्यवस्था करावी लागणार आहे.'' ``कां? ते नाही करू शकत स्वत:ची व्यवस्था?'' मी आजीला विचारलं.
``अगं, त्यांनी तर काहीच मागितलं नाही, आपणच स्वत:हून सगळी हौस करत आहोत.''
``असंच असतं आजी, आपण जोपर्यंत आपल्या इच्छेने करतो तोपर्यंत सर्व छान असतं. नाही म्हणायला लागलो की खरे रंग दिसतात.''
मला वाटलं विचारावं, स्वत:ची राह्यची व्यवस्था स्वत: न करू शकणारा, स्वत:चे कपडे स्वत: विकत न घेऊ शकणारा सुनील लग्नानंतर घराची जबाबदारी पेलू शकेल का?
सगळया नातेवाइकांना सळषीं द्यायचं ठरलं चांदीचं नाणं.
``आम्हांला दाखवून द्यायचं आहे सगळयांना कसं लग्न करतो ते!'' काकू म्हणाली.
``सगळे तोंडात बोट घालतील असं लग्न करू!'' काका म्हणाला.
... मला वाटलं विचारावं, कोणाला दाखवायचं आहे? लोकांना? म्हणजे मित्रांना?? नातेवाइकांना? आम्ही किती सीशरीं? आमचं लग्न पाहा तुमच्यापेक्षा छान! किती लोक आले आमच्या लग्नात!! आमचं समाधान कशात आहे? दुसऱ्यांना दाखवण्यात?? त्यांना खाली पाडण्यात? ुळप-श्रेेीश खेळण्यात? लग्न इतकी शिीीेपरश्र गोष्ट आहे की त्यात कोणत्याही िीेेलींेश्र ची गरज काय? महागड्या साड्या आणि सोन्याचे दागिने ह्याचा लग्नाशी सबंध काय?
... मला वाटलं ओरडून विचारावं, ब्यूटीपार्लरवर हजारोने खर्च करणारे कधी नातेसंबंधांवर एक तरी पुस्तक वाचतात का? लग्नाच्या आधी आम्ही आमच्या षराळर्श्रू-ींळीळेप वर किती विचार केलेला असतो? किती जाणून घ्यायचा प्रयत्न करतो एकमेकांना? स्वत:च्या आवडी निवडी. इच्छा-अनिच्छा, आकांक्षा, स्वप्न ीहरीश करतो का? लग्नाचा पाया ज्या ीर्शुीरश्रळींू वर असतो त्याचा आम्ही किती अभ्यास केलेला असतो?
एका कार्यशाळेत मी एक शुशीलळीश केला होता. जोडप्याला आपलं स्वप्नातलं घर कागदावर काढायचं होतं! अटी होत्या- दोन मिनिटांत, एकच पेन आणि कागदाचा वापर करून आणि आपसात संभाषण न करता काढायचं. दोघेही आपल्या परीने पेन ओढायचा प्रयत्न करतात आणि दोघांची ओढाताण होते. कोणाचंच स्वप्नातलं घर बनत नाही. मी एक पुस्तक वाचत आहे त्यात लिहिलं आहे. 'र्धेी वेप'ीं हर्रींश ींे षरश्रश्र ळप र्श्रेींश, र्ूेी हर्रींश ींे ीळीश ळप र्श्रेींश.' हे ीळीश होणं काय आहे, ह्याचाच विचार केलेला नसतो. खरं आहे जर संप्रेषण नसेल तर त्या शुशीलळीश प्रमाणे ओढाताण होते. आम्ही लग्न लू वशीळसप करतो की लू वशषर्रीश्रीं करतो, ह्याचा पण विचार करत नाही. जर्नाड नावाच्या एका सायकालॉजिस्टने म्हटलं आहे. आमच्यापैकी जास्तीत जास्त नवरा बायको र्ीीशिीषळलळरश्र नाते ीहरीश करतात. सिडनी जर्नाडचं म्हणणं आहे की, 'चरीीळरसश ळी र वळरश्रेर्सीश ींहरीं शपवी री ीेेप री हरलर्ळींीरश्र ुरूी ेष रलींळपस ीशीं ळप.'
खरं आहे नं, सोनं-नाणं-कपडे-लत्ते, जेवणं, खाणं, हे सर्व आमच्या नातेसंबंधांना घट्ट करू शकतात का? लग्न झालं म्हणून एकत्र राहणं आणि प्रेम करतो म्हणून एकत्र राहणं यात खूपच फरक आहे. मला `अनकही' फिल्मचे डॉयलॉग आठवले;
`हमारे परिवारो में सब मिल जाते हैं
परिवार मिल जाते हैं
कुण्डलियॉ मिल जाती हैं
शादियॉ हो जाती हैं
बच्चे पैदा हो जाते हैं
सिर्फ नही मिल पाते हैं
दो दिल.'
ह्नह्नह्न
- दिशा अरविंद मधु,
नाशिक
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