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आलात ? आणि हे काय, हात हलवितच आलात ? मी आणायला सांगितलं होतं काहीतरी - विसरलात ? ते काय नवीन आहे म्हणा ! कधी काय आठवणीत राहतंय तेव्हा.... बाहेरही राबा आणि घरातलंही सारं आपणच निस्तरा. मरू दे. मलाच काय पडलंय् एवढं ? आता मीही नाही जात. चालू द्या, जसं चालेल तसं चालेल...
आता कुठे निघालात आत त्या चपलांसकट ? साऱ्या दुनियेची घाण घरात ! दारातच चपला काढायला काय होतं ? घरात जिथं-तिथं पावलांना माती चिकटत राहते, पण तुम्हांला काय त्याचं ? आज त्यात कामवालीचा पत्ता नाही. अर्थात तुमचं काय बिघडतंय म्हणा... `घर स्वच्छ असो की अस्वच्छ, तुझं तुला लखलाभ ! सगळी उस्तवार करायला आहे ना मी उभी!'
ह्या झिजलेल्या चपला घालायला खूप आवडतं वाटतं ? गेले दहा-बारा दिवस पाहत्येय, चालतायत् आपले पाय फरपटवीत. दोन मिनिटं मोच्याजवळ थांबून शिवून घेता येत नाहीत ? अख्खा दिवस नाक्यावरच्या इराण्यात पडलेले असता, सिगारेटीचा धूर सोडीत, टेहळणी करीत.... तिथेच तर बाहेर बसलेला असतो मोची. कोण घेणार चप्पल शिवून ? फाटकी-तुटकी चप्पल घालण्यात जो `लेखकपणा' आहे तो नीटनेटक्या चपला घालण्यात कुठून असणार ?
आता तर बापसे बेटा सवाई. तुमचाच कित्ता गिरवायला लागलाय्. अंगावरचे कपडेसुद्धा धुवायला टाकीत नाही महिना उलटून गेला तरी तीच जीन्स आणि त्या स्लीपर्स लटकावून फिरतोय. दाढीदेखील करीत नाही. कळकट्ट कपडे अंगावर मिरवण्यातच मोठेपणा वाटतोय् त्याला. बापापेक्षा काकणभर जास्तच पण कमी नाही... अखेर मुलगा आहे कोणाचा ! साऱ्या जनलज्जेचा ठेका मीच घेतलाय... त्याच त्या चारदोन सुती साड्या धुवून, सुकवून कांजी करून आलटून-पालटून नेसते तर तिकडेही बापलेक डोळे फाडफाडून बघत राहतात. जशी काय खूपच नट्टा-पट्टा करून निघालेय ! तुम्हां दोघांसाठी मीसुद्धा हातावर हात ठेवून दळभद्रयासारखी बसून राहीन तर जे चार पैसे आज घरात येतात ना ते पण येणार नाहीत. पण तुम्हांला त्याचं काय ? तुम्हांला तर घरबसल्या गिळायला....
व्वा ! निघाले ना ताट सरकावून ! ह्या वयातसुद्धा एवढा दिमाख? अहो %% पिकवायलाही मीच आणि रांधायलाही मीच. तुमच्याने तर घरच्या वाटेवरनं एखादी भाजीदेखील आणवत नाही. काय तर म्हणे, थैली हातात धरायची लाज वाटते. चुकून कधी आणून बघा म्हणजे कळेल भाज्यांचे भाव भडकलेत ते ! माझ्या एकटीच्या कमाईत पंचपपन्नांची मिजास सुचत्येय... दोन वेळचं रांधण्याइतपत मिळतंय् ही भगवंताची कृपा समजा. नाहीतर लोकांकडे हात पसरावे लागले असते. हं %%! तुम्ही तर तेवढ्यालाही कमी केलं नसतं.
काय हो % मी काय विचारत्येय ? कामवालीला कोणी दिली माझी साडी ? आठ दिवस घरात नव्हते तर घरातल्या वस्तू ज्याला त्याला द्यायला मोकळे झालात ना ? मोठे `वर' हाताचे लागून गेलात नाही ? पाणभऱ्या गड्याच्या अंगावर कसा आला तुमचा शर्ट ? आणि तो बाहेर बरळत भटकणारा वेडा म्हातारा तुमचा सदरा-पायजमा लोंबवीत फिरतोय. स्वत:चे तर दिलेच दिले पण माझेसुद्ा वाटून टाकलेत. स्वत: चिंध्या वागवा आणि धाडुती गोरगरिबांना वाटीत फिरा. अख्ख्या वस्तीत तुम्हीच एकुलते एक दानशूर उरलात ना !
`झालं !' घुसलात आपल्या बिळात ! एक तुम्ही आणि ते तुमचं खापरपणजोबांच्या काळचं टेबल. सतराशे साठ पेनं लोळतायत त्याच्यावर पण कधी एखादं घेतलं साधा हिशेब लिहिण्यासाठी चालेल तर शपथ ! सगळयांची शाई सुकून गेलीय्. ह्या कोरडेपणानं साऱ्या घरालाच गिळून टाकलंय.
घ्या, घातलंत डोकं पुस्तकात ! वास्तव पचवणं सोपं नसतं. ज्याला चटके बसतात तोच चीत्कारतो. सत्याच्या डोळयाला डोळा भिडवलाय कधी ? पण त्याबाबत लिहिण्याचा दांभिकपणा केवढा ! तुमची लेखणी म्हणे नागडं-उघडं सत्य जगापुढे मांडते. एकजात लबाड ! तुम्ही लेखक मंडळी जेवढी खोटारडी आहात ना, तेवढा खोटारडेपणा करणारा माणूस अलम् दुनियेत शोधूनही सापडणार नाही. वर राजा हरिश्चंद्राचा शिरपेच आपल्या पगडीत खोचून तोऱ्यात मिरवायला मोकळे !
हं % %! हं हं %%.!! दार लावून घेतलंत म्हणून माझा आवाज नाही बंद व्हायचा % लक्षात ठेवा %. खोलीत कोंडून घेऊन लिहीत बसा खुशाल, पाना-फुलांवर कविता. नभ-मेघांच्या रवि-शशी तारकांच्या गप्पा मारा निवांत. डांबरट राजकारणी आणि भ्रष्टाचाऱ्यांंकडून घ्या हारतुरे घालून. स्वत:चं घर-दार सांभाळायची अक्कल नाही आणि निघाले जगाचा गाडा हाकायला. घरबसल्या निदान स्वत:च्या मुलाच्या अभ्यासाकडे लक्ष दिलं असतं तर आज तो तुमच्यासारखा निकामी झाला नसता. आपल्याच कोषात घेतलंत स्वत:ला कोंडून आणि एकासरशी दोघांची आयुष्यं उखडून टाकलीत. मी एक तुमच्याबरेाबर नेलं निभावून पण ह्याची बायको ह्याला दोन दिवसांत सोडून गेली नाही तर नाव नाही सांगणार... पण, तुम्हांला काय त्याचं ! घुसा आपल्या बिळात आणि पांढऱ्यावर काळं फाशीत बसा सावकाश...
इतका मनस्ताप होतो कधी कधी.... घरात माणसं इन-मीन-तीन आणि चार कोपरे... जो तो आपापला एकटा, दुसऱ्यापासून तुटलेला... बापलेकांचा स्वभाव पाहावा तर एकाला झाकावं नि दुसऱ्याला दाखवावं पण एकमेकांशी छत्तीसचा आकडा ! कधी एकत्र बसलेत की शांतपणे एकमेकांशी बोललेत? नाव नको चुकून कधी बोलायला लागले न लागले की आलेच हमरीतुमरीवर. मुलगा वयात आला की मित्राहून अधिक असतो हे काय सांगायला पाहिजे? तुम्ही त्याच्याशी कसं एखाद्या जिवलग मित्रासारखं वागावं असं सारखं वाटायचं. पण असा काही शब्द तोंडातून निघायचा
अवकाश की तुमच्या अंगाचा तिळपापड झालाच म्हणून समजा. लगेचच ऐकवता की मीच त्याला तुमच्याविरुद्ध भडकवते... पण काय हो, त्याला भडकवायला मीच कशाला पाहिजे ? त्याला काय कान नाहीत की डोळे नाहीत ? तुम्ही घरात एखाद्या उपऱ्यासारखे वावरता हे पाहत नाही तो ? काहीच समजत नाही की काय त्याला ? अहो, हॉटेलमध्ये राहावं तसे असता तुम्ही ह्या घरात. उलट मी तर म्हणेन तो आज माझ्याशी जी काही वर्तणूक करतोय् ते सारं तुमच्याकडूनच उचललंय त्यानं. दोन प्रेमाचे शब्द ना तुम्ही माझ्याशी बोललात ना त्याच्याशी. त्याला खांद्यावर टाकून त्याचं डोकं थोपटीत अंगाई गात होतात - ते दिवस सरले... तेवढे ते चारच महिने बापाची माया पोराच्या वाट्याला आली. समजुतीत आल्यापासून नुसता तिरस्कारच पाहिला त्यानं. वीस वर्षांचा होईल तो आता. पण एवढ्या वर्षांत कधी तरी, `बाळा, हे घे, जा, पाव-भाजी खा' म्हणत दहा-वीस रुपये टेकवलेत त्याच्या हातावर?
मला हे कळत नाही, जे थोडंफार कमवता ते जातं तरी कुठल्या वाटेनं? तुमची नक्की कमाई किती हेही मला ठाऊक नाही. जेव्हा पाहावं तेव्हा खिसा आपला रिकामाच.
घ्या %%% आणखी एक प्रेमपत्रं. ह्याही वयात तुमच्या खिशातून प्रेमपत्रंच निघताय्त. उपाशीपोटी भजन होवो न होवो, इश्काचे रंग काय केव्हाही उधळत येतात. मुलगा लग्नाला आलाय नि बापाला लागलेत प्रेमाचे डोहाळे. ह्या छचोर काटर््यांनासुद्धा अशी निम्मी उमर झालेल्या माणसात काय दिसतं कोण जाणे ! एकजात मूर्ख आहेत, साऱ्या तुमच्या त्या पांचट, अश्लील कवितांवर जीव टाकतात, दुसरं काय ? आता हवेत तरंगतायत पण तुमच्याबरोबर राहून बघा म्हणावं. दोन दिवसात कळेल प्रपंच कशाशी खातात ते.
काय वेडीय् मी. हे सगळं मीच सांगत्येय ? मी... स्वत: तरी काय केलं ? पंचवीस वर्षांपूर्वी... नुसत्या आठवणीनेसुद्धा काळजाचे ठोके चुकतात. तुमच्यावरील प्रेमाखातर सर्वस्व ओवाळून टाकायला तेव्हा एका पायावर तयार. वाटायचे, साऱ्या साऱ्या वाटा तुमच्यापाशी येऊन थांबताय्त. तुमच्या पत्रातली ओळ न् ओळ तोंडपाठ. एक-एक पत्र पन्नास वेळा वाचीत असे. तुमच्या हस्ताक्षराची नक्कल करण्यात तासन्तास घालवायची. दाढी राखलेला चेहरा जणू साक्षात येशूच. खांद्यावर झोळी लटकावलेलं तुमचं ते ध्यान... पण वाटे, जगातला सर्वात सुंदर पुरुष तो हाच... खरंच किती बावळट होते मी. वाटायचं, तुम्ही मिळालात की सारं काही मिळालं. तुम्ही मिळालात पण ... त्यानंतर वर्षभरात चूल-मूल, तेल-मिठात सारं गेलं वाहून. संसाराच्या खातेऱ्यात माझे केस कधी पांढरे झाले कळलंही नाही. पण तुम्ही ? काडीमात्र बदल नाही. गोकुळातले रंग उडायच्याऐवजी उधळतायत गावभर...
कमालै ! ट्यूबलाईट खराब होऊन एक आठवडा उलटला. आहे कोणाला त्याचं सोयरसुतक ? आहेत तर किती अडीच खोल्या पण त्यातही एकीत काळोख. ट्यूबलाईट दुरुस्त करून तरी काय मोठा उजेड पडणारै म्हणा ! बरं आहे. काय करायचंय् मला तरी ? राहा बसून अंधारातच...
देवा %% ! विजेचं बिलदेखील भरलं नाही तुम्ही ? टेलिफोन तर डिसकनेक्ट झालेला आहेच आता वीजसुद्धा कापतील. पण तुम्हाला काय त्याचं ? वर म्हणाल, ह्या बाईचं टाळकं फिरलंय. बघावं तेव्हा बडबडत असते. प्रपंचात मी जशी काढली तशात कोणाही बाईला वेडंच लागेल. तुम्ही तर काय, घरात राहून फकीर... आता काय शाळेत अर्ध्या दिवसाची रजा टाकून जाऊ बिल भरायला ? नेहमीचंच झालंय आता हे.... आणि मी तरी किती मूर्ख ! अद्याप तुम्हांला गृहीत धरून चालते. एव्हाना मलाही कळायला हवं होतं की तुम्ही... जाऊ द्या, तुमच्या नावानं खडे फोडून मी आपली जीभ का विटाळू ?
कुठे निघालात पुन्हा झोळी लटकावून ? ताटात अन्न तसंच टाकून निघालाय ? कोण खाणार हे ? पतीच्या ताटातलं उष्टं-माष्टं खाऊन स्वत:ला धन्य समजणाऱ्या पतिव्रतांपैकी मी नाही बरं ! अन्नाची तुम्हांला काय कदर? स्वत: कमवलं असतं तरच कळलं असतं की काखोटीला झोळी अडकवून तत्त्वज्ञान झाडीत बसण्याने घराच्या चुली पेटत नाहीत. त्यासाठी उठल्यापासून ते अंथरुणाला पाठ टेकेपर्यंत देहाची हाडं उगाळावी लागतात. तेव्हा कुठे... पण छे:! कुठल्याच गोष्टीचा तुमच्यावर काडीमात्र परिणाम होत नाही आणि मी... काय रसायन आहे ते देवच जाणे...
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